he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
