I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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