You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
