I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize