I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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