I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
