problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
