apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We need to get me chipped asap
My apartment stinks of burning failure
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
