just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
