I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I want her autograph on my taint
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
