His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize