You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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