Whod you bang
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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