I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
