Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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