glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
