btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
