Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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