even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
