remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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