I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
