I didn't shave. On purpose
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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