Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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