Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
