you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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