so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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