We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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