We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
