no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
