just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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