I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
