I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm always down for nudity.
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