I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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