It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
