Pappa wants mamma naked
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
