there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
