I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
