Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
