What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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