He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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