He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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