I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
