she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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