You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
