so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
