Im at strip club and am horny
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
