Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
