i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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