This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
