One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Fuck appropriateness.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
