If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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