don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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