At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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