It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
