I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize