Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
