Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
