Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
