cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
