I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
