Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
