Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
