So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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