I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
