my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize