is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't want my vagina anymore.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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