It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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