Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
