i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
