"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize