the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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