another moral hangover. fuck.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
