Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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