this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
