OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
