So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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